What if self-care isn't about improving yourself?

About 10 years ago, a coach asked me a question that stopped me in my tracks:

Are you taking care of yourself, or are you trying to improve yourself?

At the time, I was like: wait, is there a difference?

I felt legitimately confused by this question because I thought trying to be a better version of me was taking care of me.

I wanted to be healthier, wiser, kinder, more organized and productive, and able to bench press my dogs.

Isn't that kind of growth the same thing as taking care of myself?

It took me a while to understand that self-care and self-improvement are not always the same thing.

Self-improvement is about changing something about yourself. 

That can come from an authentic desire to grow as a human.

It can also be tangled up with cultural conditioning, comparing yourself to other people, feelings of rejection, a sense of obligation, outdated goals, or self-criticism. 

Sometimes it’s just straight-up capitalism coming for our asses. 

Self-care is about responding to what you authentically need.

As in, I have needs that deserve tending to no matter what condition I'm in. 

It's rooted in understanding that we’re not a problem to be solved, but an animal who is always worthy of care, regardless of what we’re accomplishing or what the culture (or past us) tells us we should be doing.

That's the distinction I'm interested in, and I think it matters a lot in animal welfare.

Our job is to find problems and solve them. Everyone needs us - the animals depend on us - to fix and improve things all day, every day. 

There are always more problems to solve, more things to learn, more ways we could improve our processes.

That's how we think all day, so it's pretty easy to turn ourselves into another project. 

We might start to think that self-care is about finding problems in ourselves and then working hard to eliminate them so we can get to the “good” version of ourselves. That's where self-care can slip into (unhelpful) self-improvement.

Taking care of yourself isn't the same thing as optimizing yourself.

Paying attention to and respecting your needs isn't another goal to accomplish and check off the list. It's an honest, ongoing way of relating to yourself, with compassion and acceptance. 

This doesn't mean I've given up on self-improvement or that I think anyone else should. 

I love learning and growing. I recently started lifting heavy stuff so future-me will be stronger. My goal: be able to pick up my 65 lb dog and run us away from a skunk with ease (technically, I have done this, but my back was like: try that one more time and I'll see you on the floor).

The difference now is that I try to stay aware of how my goals for improvement can sometimes contradict and get in the way of my truest needs, capacity, and values. 

I’m allowed to change my goals or be more flexible in my approach if they’re not working for me, without feeling like a failure.

Self-care is rooted in knowing that I'm worthy of care and respect just as I am. I don't have to earn the right to rest or my place on this earth by constantly improving myself. #goodenoughclub

So I just keep coming back to that question:

Am I taking care of myself, or am I trying to improve myself?

Sometimes the answer is both, and that’s totally fine. But when I'm struggling, I keep an eye out for the difference between the two. 

Because sometimes what I need isn't becoming a better version of myself in the future. Sometimes I need to accept and take care of the person who's here right now.

If this is the kind of thing you’d like to explore more, check out Compassion Fatigue Strategies, which starts October 26. 

The course isn't about becoming a perfectly resilient animal welfare professional (hint: that person doesn’t exist).

CFS is about understanding what's happening, noticing what you need, and building a toolbox of strategies that can help you take care of yourself in the present and the future,  whatever that looks like for YOU.

Learn more about Compassion Fatigue Strategies here!

Early enrollment discount has been extended through 10/16! Use coupon code CFS2026 to save $75.